A Line in the Sand: Choosing Safety Over Harm in Faith and Family
As a Christian, the idea of drawing a line in the sand may initially seem contrary to our faith's teachings. We are called to love, to forgive, and to show grace. But what happens when love no longer looks like proximity? What do we do when someone’s harmful behavior, unchecked by accountability or remorse, threatens our well-being?
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." Prov 13:20
This wisdom speaks directly to the need for discernment in our relationships, particularly when those we care about repeatedly refuse to acknowledge or change their harmful behaviour. Too often, scripture is twisted to justify toxic or harmful actions. People hide behind verses to excuse behavior that causes pain, turning biblical principles into weapons of guilt and shame. In my own life, the command to "honor your father and mother" (Exodus 20:12) has been used against me as if it should override every other consideration, no matter the harm done. For years, I felt trapped by this misinterpretation, fearing that stepping away from a harmful relationship would bring God’s punishment.
But when there is no repentance, no remorse, and no willingness to change, it is not dishonoring to protect oneself. It is wise. Family relationships are particularly difficult to navigate, especially when bound by religious and cultural expectations.
The pressure to maintain a façade of peace can feel suffocating, and the guilt of setting boundaries even more so. But boundaries are not a lack of love; they are a necessary act of self-care.
Sometimes, loving from a distance is healthier and safer than staying in close proximity to someone who refuses to acknowledge the harm they cause.
In these situations, walking away is not an act of judgment, but of protection and self-respect. This week, I will attend my mother’s funeral, a difficult step in a journey marked by years of strained family dynamics. The religious context in which I was raised emphasises respect for parents, regardless of the pain they may have caused. But I attend not out of obligation, and not because I have erased the line in the sand I once drew, but for my own closure and for my brother, to show he is not alone in this moment. There will be spectators, people who will judge without understanding the deeper complexities of our story. But that no longer matters to me. What matters is that I have made a choice to prioritise my safety, my well-being, and my peace.
Drawing a line in the sand is about reclaiming safety when a relationship becomes dangerous or emotionally draining. It’s about acknowledging that love doesn’t always look like proximity, especially when that proximity allows harm to continue.
It is recognising that there is a time to let go, not because we have stopped loving, but because we are choosing to love ourselves enough to walk away. We can still love those people, pray for them, and hope for their change, but from a distance that preserves our own sense of safety.
When there is no change, when remorse is absent, and when someone continues to act without accountability, walking away becomes not just an option but a necessity.
Scripture encourages us to seek wisdom and to surround ourselves with those who help us grow.
Choosing to walk away from toxic relationships, even with family, is not a betrayal of faith; it is an affirmation of the value God places on our well-being.
After all, we cannot fulfill our purpose or love others well if we are constantly harmed by the very relationships that should uplift and support us.
In the end, drawing a line in the sand is about showing that you matter, that your peace, your safety, and your emotional health are worth protecting.
It’s not an easy decision, but it is a necessary one. It’s about choosing healing over harm and trusting that God understands the complexity of your heart, even when others do not.
