"When Family Ties Unravel: Processing Grief, Trauma, and Finding Peace"
This hits all too real right now… watching the trailer for “His Three Daughters” has stirred up so many emotions.
I’m curious to see how the movie plays out, but for me, it’s too raw. Every day lately has been about processing trauma, emotions, and a lifetime of complexities I’ve often kept quiet about. I’ve shared some of this through my blog Awakening from Childhood trauma, Unable to speak my truth, and Letting go and finding freedom. We all handle our emotions differently, and even within a family, we navigate things in our own way.
I haven’t spoken out much due to fear, fear of being cut off, alienated even more by those who choose to survive in their own way. I don’t judge them. Family dynamics are hard, full of ups and downs. For those who don’t know, my mother is in the last stages of her battle with stage 4 cancer. It’s been 2 years since I drew a line in the sand, choosing to no longer re traumatise myself in order to heal and part ways. As a Christian, this decision feels unthinkable to some, but you don’t know my story, and it’s not for others to judge. She only has a week or two left to live, and no, I’m not cold.
Choosing not to be in contact for the sake of my health doesn’t mean I don’t feel, it means I love from a distance in the only way I can. I’ve carried the weight of guilt from judgments all my life for not being there, for leaving it to others, for unspoken resentments.
Would my life be filled with love and growth if I had stayed?
At 50, I know now life is too short to waste on complicated dynamics that stifle healing. Yet, no one has stopped to ask, "Hey Deb, how are you?"
Coming from a mixed family—three older half-brothers, losing my dad at 6, more trauma after my mom moved on—it’s been a life of jumping from chaos to chaos.
Seeing this trailer of three siblings just brings it all back. As the “half,” I’ve often felt lost, not fully connected to either side. When my estranged mother passes, I will, in effect, be without family. But in truth, I’ve lived most of my life without that sense of belonging, even before getting married.
My family now is solid because I’ve tried to overcompensate, being the nurturer I never had. Many people with childhoods like mine turn to addiction, seeking to fill an unmet need, and there’s so much shame attached.
But healing came for me when I surrendered, acknowledging that I never saw how my leaving affected my siblings or what they endured. It was never just my story.
I’m sharing this now because sometimes life mirrors back exactly what we’re going through, and it’s too heavy to carry alone. It’s good to let it out, to release the shame and guilt that doesn’t belong to us. And for anyone else going through something similar, know you’re not alone. I don’t know what this week or the next will bring, but each day is a rollercoaster I’m riding alone. Thanks for listening.
